Dementia Educator: Choose Happiness Over Being Right

A husband and wife in their early seventies were enjoying a drive when the wife, a former art teacher, admired a beautiful purple sky. Her husband corrected her, saying the sky was blue. The exchange left her embarrassed and withdrawn. Later, her husband recounted the incident to Dr. Jeannine Forrest, PhD, RN, a dementia educator and founder of Dementia Coach On-Call®. Forrest asked, "What's more important, for them to be happy, or for you to be right?" This question highlights a common challenge for families caring for someone with dementia: learning when to correct, when to redirect, and when to simply be present. Forrest advises that caregivers must learn to think and communicate differently, moving away from instinctive corrections that can cause distress. She suggests borrowing from improvisational communication, using acknowledgment and redirection to address safety concerns without arguing. For example, if a grandmother insists on taking grandchildren across a busy street, a family member might invite her to help prepare lunches or suggest accompanying everyone to the playground.

Forrest also challenges the tendency to measure dementia primarily by what a person can no longer do. She encourages families to find ways for individuals to participate in meaningful activities, such as cooking, with modifications like preparing ingredients while someone else supervises the stove. She compares this to bowling with bumper guards: the environment changes to accommodate abilities, but the person still bowls. "A sense of meaning and purpose, of value, that's important to all of us," Forrest says. "And that's important to uphold when you're caring for someone living with dementia." She emphasizes speaking directly with the person, asking how they feel, and involving them in decisions to the extent possible. Forrest also introduces the concept of ambiguous loss, developed by Pauline Boss, Ph.D., to describe the grief caregivers experience when a loved one is physically present but cognitively changed. She reminds caregivers that learning new communication skills takes practice and that "once you know better, you can do better."

Dr. Jeannine Forrest is a dementia educator, founder of Dementia Coach On-Call®, and Director of Dementia Horizons Academy at the Dementia Society of America. Her work emphasizes compassionate communication, caregiver understanding, and preserving the dignity, independence, and quality of life of people living with dementia. Through her coaching and education, she helps families navigate the emotional and practical challenges of caregiving, fostering connection and reducing frustration. The story of the purple sky serves as a powerful reminder that sometimes, sharing a beautiful moment is more important than being right.