SAN FRANCISCO, CA, April 04, 2025 /24-7PressRelease/ -- In the quiet corridors of many families, a dangerous psychological pattern unfolds: a mutually beneficial, yet strained, alliance between a narcissistic parent and a narcissistic child or adult child.

According to San Francisco-based psychotherapist Michael Travis Halyard, LPCC, LMFT, this pairing represents "one of the most emotionally destructive dynamics in multigenerational narcissistic systems."

In families marked by intergenerational narcissism, it's not unusual to see grandparents, parents, and children each displaying narcissistic traits—traits passed down not only genetically, but also behaviorally and relationally. Within these families, narcissists often form dysfunctional dyads—two individuals bound by "mutual need, competition, and resentment."

Halyard operates the webpages https://www.sanfrancisco-psychotherapy.com/narcissistic-parents, https://www.sanfrancisco-psychotherapy.com/estrangement, https://www.sftherapy.com and Facebook pages https://www.facebook.com/NarcissisticAbuseTherapy/, https://www.sanfrancisco-psychotherapy.com/estrangement, and https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangementproject/

"These dyads can be mother-daughter, father-son, mother-son, or father-daughter; or a myriad of other gender roles and combinations, as well as types of narcissism," Halyard explains. Either person in the dyad can be covert—emotionally withholding and manipulative—or overt—grandiose, controlling, and aggressive.

Regardless of form, these relationships are rarely grounded in love. Instead, "they're governed by fear," Halyard says, "marked by toxic patterns of rivalry, dominance, and dependence."

The overt daughter and covert mother

Though narcissistic dynamics can involve any gender, family role, or type of narcissist; for the purpose of this discussion, an overt daughter and covert mother are used.

"In this configuration," he says, "the adult daughter emerges as the chief narcissist—controlling the family through emotional volatility, intimidation, and manipulation."

On the surface, the covert mother may appear selfless or fragile. She often paints herself as a victim, saying she "walks on eggshells" to avoid her daughter's wrath. Behind closed doors, however, she's a master of passive-aggressive control—using guilt, enmeshment, and silent withdrawal to exert influence.

"She'll say things like, 'My daughter's impossible, I can't say anything without being attacked,'" Halyard explains. The mother laments the lack of a genuine connection and insists her daughter needs therapy—but adds she'll never seek it because she doesn't believe anything is wrong with her. "Privately, she accuses her daughter of being abusive, of having a personality disorder, of lacking self-awareness—all while denying her own role in the dysfunction."

Meanwhile, the daughter exhibits classic signs of overt narcissism. She humiliates her mother, makes threats, and uses psychological abuse and emotional blackmail to dominate. She may tell her mother:

• "You'll never see your grandchildren again."
• "If you talk to [relative], I'll cut you off forever."
• "You're a loser, and everything you've done with your life is a failure."

"Within this vignette," says Halyard, "the daughter is not loved—she is feared. And the mother, ironically, becomes her accomplice—her 'Flying Monkey'—enabling the abuse in order to avoid it."

Though the mother is older and traditionally seen as the authority figure, she often becomes compliant and submissive. The daughter, on the other hand, maintains a polished, pleasant public image while being tyrannical behind closed doors.

"She's delightful to outsiders but ruthless at home," Halyard says. "She controls who's invited to family events, who talks to whom, and even how her mother can relate to her other children."

The family held hostage

The result in this vignette is a family held emotionally hostage. Members live in fear, walking on eggshells to avoid triggering the overt daughter's wrath. The covert mother, while complicit, is also entrapped.

"Families like these don't function out of love," Halyard explains. "They operate on trepidation, suppression, and control. Empathy is replaced with punishment. Authenticity is penalized."

Even extended relatives often stay silent out of fear of being exiled. "These families look cohesive from the outside," he notes. "But inside, they're in emotional survival mode."

The psychological toll

Family members in these types of systems often describe their experience as suffocating. Boundaries are ignored. Emotional manipulation is normalized. Gaslighting leaves people unsure of their own reality.

"People come to therapy saying they feel like they're going crazy," Halyard shares. "They doubt themselves constantly because the narcissistic system is built to erase their truth."

A cycle of abuse across generations

This dysfunction rarely arises in a vacuum. "The legacy of narcissism doesn't stop with one person," Halyard explains. "It becomes a family identity—a script passed down through generations."

Children learn early that their value lies not in who they are, but in how well they serve the narcissist's needs. "There's no room for authenticity," he says. "Only roles to play."

The scapegoat: the unsung truth-teller

Within these families, there is often one person who refuses to comply with the dysfunction: the scapegoat. "This is usually the most self-aware member of the family," Halyard says. "They speak the truth, and for that, they're punished or even exiled.

Breaking the cycle

Halyard emphasizes that narcissism can manifest in any gender, and in covert, overt, or blended forms. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward breaking the cycle. "Awareness gives people the power to reclaim their voice, set boundaries, and begin the journey to a life defined not by fear—but by authenticity and freedom."

"Awareness is power," he says. "When you see the pattern, you can step out of it. Therapy helps survivors untangle these invisible loyalties and reclaim a life led by authenticity—not fear."

If this vignette feels familiar, know that you are not alone. Healing is possible.

Michael Travis Halyard is a licensed psychotherapist based in San Francisco, California. With dual licensure as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), he specializes in treating individuals affected by narcissistic abuse, family estrangement, and intergenerational trauma. Through his clinical work, educational resources, and advocacy, Halyard helps clients break free from toxic family systems and reclaim their emotional authenticity. He operates the websites www.sanfrancisco-psychotherapy.com and www.SFtherapy.com/. Michael also runs the Facebook pages https://www.facebook.com/NarcissisticAbuseTherapy/, https://www.facebook.com/estrangement.project/, and https://www.facebook.com/groups/estrangementproject/

His work empowers survivors to recognize harmful patterns, set boundaries, and begin a path toward lasting healing.

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